My funny mind

I was making Pulla – Finnish sweet bread….rolling out segments to be recombined into a lovely golden braid. As I was rolling and stretching those segments I saw in my bread the shape of long bones---narrow at the shaft and thicker at the ends. I giggled to myself and kept rolling.

After that nap I mentioned I also noticed that my thumb was a little numb. I thought I had just fallen asleep on it funny as happens when you sleep in positions creatively weaving your limbs among books and pencils on a loveseat sofa. As night began to fall and my thumb remained “asleep” I grew worried. I recalled strongly emphasized cautions about dissecting scalpels, and suddenly realized I had somehow cut a nerve. I searched for a cut mark in vain. Then I thought maybe it was some aluminum containing molecule (OHSU gave us these aluminum water bottles…my mother taught me always be wary of aluminum and yet I sipped) acting like a neurotoxin and this numbness was the first symptom of system shut down. I consulted my roommate who identified my silliness thus quelling my outward concern if not my inward terrors. Shortly thereafter I realized it was probably all of that blunt dissection with those scissors. It takes quite a bit of force, and 3 hours of using scissors is hard on a little ole thumb. One would think hypochondria would be inversely proportional to knowledge gained. I have a feeling the relationship isn’t quite so simple. Or perhaps…knowledge gained should be qualified in some way. Anyway…in the end I’m totally ok.

Anatomy Lab----First Impressions

Initially I was concerned about working with a cadaver. No surprise there I guess….but my hesitations weren’t out of disgust for globular fat and gooey messes; I was worried that in the middle of class my mind and heart and imagination would be overwhelmed by thoughts about this person’s life, about life in general, about death and separation, and I would begin to weep, effected by both the beauty and the melancholy. Or, I feared, that I wouldn’t approach this person’s body with enough humility and sense of sacredness, that I would neglect to fully appreciate the sacrifice, lost perhaps in the stench of formaldehyde and the stress of learning what was expected of me. What I found was much simpler. I took a moment to observe this body before we began lab for the first time, but then easily became engaged in the technical work to be performed, finding borders and separating muscle from fascia and bone. It wasn’t difficult to maintain respectfulness either. The human body is so extraordinary that it inspires wonder even when it no longer functions , even when you are cutting and peeling and digging into it. The day we dissected the spinal cord for example we were required to be a little more rough; using saws, chisels and hammers to take off the posterior half of the vertebral column. We were not gentle; we couldn’t have been. But the moment the hunk of vertebrae was lifted off to reveal the tender-looking meninges (which surround the spinal cord) beneath, our whole group in unison actually gasped a little and “Wow”ed at this tender little marvel! The nervous system seems particularly awe-inspiring, because even though digestion is certainly necessary for human existence, the ability to sense things, integrate those concepts, and respond seems a much more intimate process....Really, placing value on these systems is flawed for a few reasons 1) although they have their own function and structural particulars, they are themselves connected and 2) I have no experience being without digestion or a perception/response system.

Back to the topic of lab.

When I went home after the first day I took a cat nap and I thought of this experience as I was falling asleep…it just sort of popped into my head randomly as happens when you are losing control of your thoughts to dreams. 30 minutes later I woke up fresh not disturbed but reminded…so I said a brief prayer for her happiness in the next life, and ….let’s say I went on to studying (even though I probably web surfed a bit).

The Beginning

I have entered medical school. I am a medical student. Hmm...any way I phrase it, this new circumstance still seems weird. I'm sure shortly it will be very clearly my reality.


The purpose of this blog:
1) to reflect...... Reflection is a necessary step in learning. I plan to weave into my blog various "disciplines" or what have you (e.g. biology,medicine, anthropology, spirituality, nutrition, maybe a little farming...art, language.......afterall all things are interconnected.

"Reflect upon the inner realities of the universe, the secret wisdoms involved, the enigmas, the inter-relationships, the rules that govern all. For every part of the universe is connected with every other part by ties that are very powerful and admit of no imbalance, nor any slackening whatever." -'Abdu'l-Baha

2) to share.....provide others access to a medical student's experience for whomever it may be useful (my friends and family or a prospective med student)

3) to remember....if I don't give myself time (even with a busy med student schedule) to capture those really amazing epiphanies and stories and images borne of intense study, thought, dissection, service etc. I will likely be disappointed.

4) to provide joy.....I hope that through both humor and the exploration of the sacredness of medicine I will bring joy to those reading it.

5)________________ (surely I will find other purposes too )

Lastly I hope I don't make any informational errors or that my thoughts are taken for anything even approximating authority. I am a mere student....and an imperfect one. I am posting in a spirit of sharing not necessarily educating.


***NOTE***
Sacral- from Latin for "sacred," describes region of the vertebral column inferior to lumbar region and superior to coccyx
Humerus-from Latin "humer" meaning shoulder....a bone of the upper limb....but it's homophone humorous...well you know.